This week marks Mental Health Awareness Week in the United Kingdom. I think mental health is important but I also think that there are far too many AI-written “it’s OK to not be OK” articles out there, full of cliches and ‘sounds nice but doesn’t actually apply in any real-life situation’ platitudes. So, to recognize the week, I thought I’d tackle something that I’ve been dealing with a lot lately: crippling moto-envy.
I live in a tourist town, with my house sitting on one of the main roads. I’m pretty sure that every motorcycle riding group in Southern England includes my town in its ride-out routes because on any given sunny day, my street becomes a procession of exotic and glamorous metal.
If you’ve read this site for very long, you will know that I don’t have a lot of money. The bikes that I could afford to buy are far removed from the resplendent machines that roll past my front window. And I have to admit it stings. A lot. Sitting in my living room, I find myself subjected to an endless Parade of Stuff I Can’t Have. If I’m not careful, things can spiral. I’ll get angry at those riders, angry at myself, angry at the world, and then just sad.
I mean, how is it fair that the universe should deny someone as generally wonderful as myself an Indian Chieftain PowerPlus? It’s not, friends. It’s not fair at all. But, unfortunately, it’s what is.
So, to help me – and maybe you – I’ve come up with a few ideas on how to deal with those feelings of jealousy and envy that spring up when someone rides by on a motorcycle that is so much better than your own.
STEP 1: Recognize and stabilize
Those words come from Matthew McConaughey’s advice on how to deal with “red lights.” Another way to say it is: acknowledge the problem and allow it to have shape in your mind. Acknowledging and naming the challenge you’re facing is the first step in pretty much every mental health or improvement process.
Want to get over grief? You need to acknowledge the pain. Want to play the cello better? You need to acknowledge where your playing falls short.
So, when it comes to moto-envy, you have to admit to yourself that it is, indeed, jealousy that you are feeling. It is not that you are a victim of the global capitalist conspiracy; it’s just that you wish you had something that someone else has.
STEP 2: What is your major malfunction?
So, alright, you’ve admitted to yourself that you wish you had something that someone else has. Why? What, exactly, is the source of your jealousy?
Growing up, my father always said he wanted to own a Jaguar. In college, I found a reasonably good-condition used Jag and suggested he buy it.
“No, I don’t really want to own a Jaguar,” he said. “I want to be the sort of person who has enough money to own a Jaguar.”
For me, that’s probably where my moto-envy lies. Yes, I love the look and sound of the thundering Ducati Panigale V4 that’s rattling my windows as I write this, but if I actually had the money to buy one I definitely wouldn’t. So, the thing that’s stinging me is the fact my financial situation means I don’t have the choice of not buying it.
And for some reason, not having that money – or, perhaps, more accurately, seemingly being unable to earn that kind of money, even if I wanted to – makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed and angry. It evaporates my confidence and makes me feel as if I’ve been tricked by the world. So, the thing that is upsetting me has very little to do with a given bike. It is more about my interpretation of what ownership of that bike suggests.
STEP 3: Do that thing that is totally annoying but actually worthwhile
Count your blessings. All my life, people have offered that advice to me – trying to shift my perspective and draw attention to the fact that, actually, I have a pretty good situation. OK, I don’t have as much shiny shit as I might like, but it’s a well-established fact that the majority of people with lots and lots and lots of shiny shit use it as compensation for the absence of all the stuff I do have. A personality, for example. Encouraging and supportive parents who never fought. A beautiful and caring wife. A clever and adorable daughter. The opportunity to live in a country with free healthcare. The ability to make money writing stuff like this (Well, perhaps not exactly like this but, you know what I mean).
It annoys me when people suggest that I shift my thinking, in part because I know that changing the way I view my situation isn’t going to change my situation (and, dude, I still want some of that shiny shit). But, I’ll begrudgingly admit that there is value in doing this.
From a motorcycling perspective, sure, a 13-year-old Kawasaki Versys 1000 isn’t as sexy as, say, a Harley-Davidson Pan America 1250 ST, but the bike in your garage is inherently better than the bike in your mind. Because the former is, you know, actually in your garage. And in my case, it’s a bike that hustles. A bike that’s very comfortable. And a bike that starts on the button every time, despite my lackluster adherence to its maintenance schedule.
STEP 4: Drink to their success
I mentioned above that my jealousy stems somewhat from “my interpretation of what ownership of [a given] bike suggests.”
The idea that a motorcycle is a reflection of who you are and what you have achieved is not exclusive to my broken brain. A lot of people think this way. For many manufacturers, it’s the crux of their marketing strategy. Harley-Davidson is an obvious example here.
Last week, I was at the press launch for Ducati’s XDiavel V4 (Review coming soon). It’s a sexy, fast, and expensive bike – and Ducati is certainly a desirable brand – but it’s a simple truth that the XDiavel will never never ever draw a notable chunk of American motorcyclists away from the Harley circle. Chatting to Ducati’s people about this, they didn’t seem able to comprehend why I would say such a thing. They couldn’t understand the gravitational pull of the Harley-Davidson brand. But think about it:
People get Harley-Davidson tattoos. They wear Harley-Davidson everything, and drink from Harley-Davidson branded mugs while lounging in Harley-Davidson deck chairs. They name their children Harley. They watch their fathers scrimp and save to be able to afford a Harley-Davidson. And all this embeds into them the idea that this is what success looks like; a Harley-Davidson tells everyone who sees or hears you that you are a person who has their shit together. A person who is successful enough that they are able to ride a Harley-f’n-Davidson.
And if it isn’t a Harley maybe it’s a Ford Mustang, or an old Chevy stepside, or – if you’re kind of an odd duck – a Jaguar. In Italy, maybe it is a Ducati. In England it might be a Triumph, or the very sexy Honda Fireblade that just rode past…
As I say, a lot of people measure themselves in this way. So, when I see yet another drool-inducing machine outside my window I should consider the fact that for some of these riders – possibly most – the bike they’re on is the end product of a lot of hard work. And perhaps some part of me should take the time to respect that. I should acknowledge their success and say to myself: “There’s a guy or gal who has their shit together. Or, at least, who feels like they do. And I shouldn’t hate them just because I feel like I don’t.”
STEP 5: What can we learn from this?
This sounds glib, but there’s a way to turn envy into inspiration. I’ll admit I find it very, very difficult. But theoretically it’s possible.
I can’t really run out of the house and ask the people riding by to tell me about their lives and the choices they’ve made to end up astride a restored-to-pristine-condition BMW R90/6. And there’s very little guarantee that if I did whatever they did, that it would work out as well for me. But I can still – potentially – use the situation as a kind of prompt to consider what I’m doing, whether that is the right way to get where I want to go, and, more broadly, whether that’s really where I want to go at all.
In his book, Be Useful: Seven tools for life, Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about the importance of ensuring that “your vision aligns with the reality of your choices.” So, am I doing the right things if I also want to ride around on an R90/6?
STEP 6: You’re not dead yet
Other people’s successes don’t necessarily diminish your potential. And, as alluded to above, every path is different, and not every path that is good for one person is good for another.
In a later part of his book – which I haven’t yet gotten around to writing about in my very sporadic How to Be a Better Man series – Schwazenegger talks about the importance of clarity of vision. You can only ever go in one direction at a time, he points out. As a result, going toward one thing pulls you away from – or, at least, less near to – another thing.
Like the Panigale, that R90/6 isn’t actually a bike that I would choose to own if I had the financial resources to make such a choice. So, what do I actually want, what do I actually need to do in order to achieve it, and do I actually want to do those things? These are questions I can ask myself rather than figuratively sticking pins into a voodoo doll for the owner of every fancy bike I see.
With luck and good decisions, my motorcycling journey is still probably several decades from coming to an end. Once I pinpoint what the hell it is that’s sparking my moto-envy and what it is that I’m really wanting when I feel that jealousy (I’m pretty sure that, in fact, it has very little – if anything – to do with motorcycles at all), then I can focus on my own journey and not burn energy making apples and oranges comparisons with others.
STEP 7: Turn off your damn phone
I can’t really not look out my window, but certainly it makes sense that I should avoid cultivating my moto-envy. I don’t need to follow a bunch of sexy, rich people on Instagram, for example. I don’t need to drag myself to the Bike Shed Moto Show or the like to amble among dozens of glistening things that each probably cost enough to feed, clothe, and house my family for a year. That will only make me feel worse.
This goes back to the idea above of not burning energy comparing yourself to others – especially if there’s nothing to learn from it.
There will always be people who are better or who have more than you. Giving them too much focus, to the extent that you start to think they are the norm, is a colossal waste of time.
STEP 8: It’s OK to not be OK
I’m kidding. I just had to throw that cliche in somewhere. I mean, yes, it’s acceptable to have struggles – and part of dealing with moto-envy is recognizing and accepting what you feel – but don’t let that become your personality.
STEP 9: It’s OK to be just OK (for now)
Converse to the fact that there will always be someone who is better or who has more, there are also a lot of people – like, if you think about it, a whole lot of people – who aren’t in as good of a situation as you are. If you are presently reading this, the skills and tools needed to do so are an indication that you are better off than literally billions of other people on this planet.
You don’t want to delight in the misfortune of others, but it’s probably fair to take some solace in the fact that, wherever it is that you want to go – whatever bike it is that you want to be seen riding – you are not starting from the bottom. Good fortune and your own skill have colluded to place you where you are in this exact moment.
Related to the whole ‘You’re not dead yet’ thinking, this moment is not the end. Or, if it is the end – if you are, at this very moment, suffering a massive, life-ending heart attack – I doubt very much that you give a damn about motorcycles. Also, why are you still reading this?
For the rest of us, there is tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. We can make better choices – if we want to choose them – and they can lead to better motorcycles.
Then, we can move on to being envious of other people’s houses…
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FYI – You might be able to guess that the link to Arnold Schwazenegger’s book is an affiliate link.
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