Dancing the Polka

It’s been almost a decade since Triumph released the Bonneville Newchurch – a special edition of the company’s most enduring model, made in homage to Neukirchen, Austria. At the time, Neukirchen (or Newchurch in English) was home to Triumph’s annual TriDays event. The event was scrapped a year later. 

In this sense, the Newchurch was the epitome of a “We’re completely out of ideas” bike. The Bonneville platform upon which the Newchurch was built, an 865cc air-cooled parallel twin engine, was more than a decade old by that point. All around the industry, everyone was responding to impending EU regulations with fancy new bikes loaded with tech and improved rideability. Triumph was dragging its feet until the last possible minute.

In fairness, the platform it eventually came out with, in 2016, was a very good one, delivering a host of thoroughly enjoyable (if not entirely practical) models, including the Bonneville T100, Bonneville T120, Bonneville Bobber, Speed Twin, and Scrambler 1200.

But now it’s 2024. Harley-Davidson has long since overhauled the Sportster; Indian has overhauled the Scout; Ducati has overhauled the Scrambler 800; there are new players in the modern classics game (eg, Royal Enfield’s 650 twins). The market as a whole seems notably different than it did back in 2016, but Triumph is… once again out of ideas offering a special-edition Bonneville that’s tenuously linked with Elvis Presley.

Elvis has been dead (allegedly) for 47 years. It’s been longer since he was actually cool. And his link to Triumph is extremely tenuous. Type the words “Elvis” and “motorcycle” into an image search and you will see that the man was primarily a Harley guy. The lone exception comes from his using a beat-up Triumph for approximately 3 minutes in the 1968 film Stay Away, Joe.

You’ve never heard of that film because it was awful. Elvis plays a Navajo Indian. Burgess Meredith also plays a Navajo Indian. Read those previous two sentences again; if you’re envisioning something painful and awkward, you are correct. You can find the movie for free online and I’ve watched bits of it. It’s really ungood. But even reviewers at the time called the film out as catering to “outdated prejudice.”

The Hollywood Reporter‘s review stated that the movie’s “patronizing view of American Indians as brawling, balling, boozing children should rightly offend many.”

But, when you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel, I guess you don’t worry about those things.

“This special collaboration offers motorcycle and music fans an unprecedented opportunity to own their own piece of the Elvis and Triumph legend,” claimed a press release issued in support of the Bonneville T120 Elvis Presley Limited Edition. “Unmistakable ELVIS gold lettering, representing set lights, together with Elvis Presley’s signature, feature prominently on the tank and side panels, while die-hard fans will find fascinating Elvis discoverables on the bike, including a discreet ‘Taking Care of Business in a Flash’ emblem.”

So, yeah. Elvis bike. Sure. Whatever. 

(Also: “discoverables?”)

You know, Henry Winkler is still alive… The Fonz rode a Triumph in “Happy Days” (though, famously, Winkler did not and does not actually know how to ride a motorcycle). Have Triumph’s team considered a Fonz special edition? Or is it just a little too on the nose to make a special-edition Bonneville honoring the character who is the origin of the phrase “jumping the shark?”

HERE’S WHAT IT MIGHT MEAN

But, there’s probably an upside to all this. As noted above, the last time Triumph did something so unimaginative, an all-new Bonneville platform was unveiled within a year. So, with the unveiling of the special-edition Elvis bike I’d put a small amount of money on history repeating itself. 

Which leads to the question: what would you want from a new Bonneville platform? Having owned a Bonneville T120, and having ridden all of the other post-2016 Bonneville iterations, I can’t really think of any foundational changes that seem necessary or all that clever. 

The powerplant, for example. Maybe you could tweak it to get a few extra horsepower here or there but really that would be making changes for the sake of numbers. Character and performance-wise, none of the iterations of the Bonneville platform’s liquid-cooled parallel twin engine are really lacking within their given context.

All I can really think to change would be small things. Better fit and finish (the bolts and such on my T120 got fuzzy with regular use, despite neurotic cleaning and coating with ACF50), perhaps. Tubed tires on the Bonneville T100 and T120, as well as a shorter or angled exhaust to allow people to clean and lube the chain without having to remove said exhaust. More distinctive ride modes on bikes like the Speed Twin and Scrambler 1200. In other words, a bunch of minor stuff that could be done now, which doesn’t merit a big “ALL NEW” marketing campaign, and which is unlikely to convince an existing owner to trade up for a new version.

So, while this unimaginative Elvis bike has me thinking Triumph can’t be far from overhauling the Bonneville platform, I’m struggling to imagine what that overhaul would be like. What are your guesses?